


Monster on the Outside

by Krystal_Fairy



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Cress is a sweetheart, Emotional Support, Post-Winter, Rampion crew - Freeform, Self-Hatred, Wolf angst, Wolf cries, Wolf has anger problems, Wolf has trouble expressing his emotions, everyone is a family, supportive Cinder mentions, supportive Cress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 05:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13206753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krystal_Fairy/pseuds/Krystal_Fairy
Summary: Some post-Winter angst for Wolf with Cress there to help. Not a pairing for the two, just a cute moment cause I like their dynamic, but pair whoever you want.





	Monster on the Outside

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own the characters or story, I just like playing with them.
> 
> Me note: Okay, so I don't know the layout of the Rampion and I didn't confirm my timeline or my facts with the books after writing this, if anyone corrects me I can't promise i'll fix it... I'll appreciate it and I will use it in future stories though! I also apologize for any spelling or flat out weirdly worded things, I thought I got them all but you never know when you're reading your own writing.
> 
> I love Wolf, he is my big cinnamon bun and Cress is the cutest little thing. That is all.

Wolf sat in the small room of the Rampion that served as his and Scarlets bedroom. It was all over, the Queen was dead, Cinder had won the battle. There had been casualties, sure, a lot of people along the way sacrificed their lives for Cinder and her cause. It wasn’t all that bad. He didn’t sacrifice much, what happens, happens… right? 

He allowed his gaze to fall back down to his hand before quickly drawing it away. This was the first time he really had time alone since it ended. He was with Scarlet mostly, she was like a safety blanket. He hid behind her when people began crowding, he gripped her hand when he felt her drifting away from his side. Every single time she gripped back, she gave him warm, strong, loving looks despite…

That was all a couple days ago. Things were calmer now. Settling. Which wasn't so great, as it allowed Wolf time alone with his thoughts. Mostly though, he thought about Scarlet, but where those thoughts once gave him warmth and hope they now slowly lead to feelings of self hate. He loved her more than he ever thought he could, actually he wasn’t sure he was capable of loving a woman like he loved Scar after everything they did to him... They made him a killing machine, killers weren’t allowed love like this. She deserved better than a beast. 

Closing his eyes he brought his hands up to his face, he could feel his claws against his snout.

He brought his hands back down.

He nervously chewed the inside of his mouth.

The fangs. 

He got up. He had to move, he was getting restless. His legs wanted to run, but he was on the Rampion, in space, and he was pretty sure it was what they were considering nighttime. He had to get used to it, he thought, as he began to pace the room. They were going to be delivering the antidote to the people of Earth, this was going to be his home for however long that took. 

The pacing around the small room wasn’t enough, he was getting claustrophobic in here. Maybe out in the hall would be better, maybe there was something to eat in the kitchen. They had some good food stocked on board. Cinder made sure of that, she said she wasn’t having them eating the crap like they had been during the revolution. Wolf was thankful, he had a big appetite and she knew that.

He missed her. It was stupid, it was only a couple days. But he was aware he wouldn’t be seeing her often, she assured them she’d be back to Earth eventually and until then they would have to comm. But he had started to consider her like a little sister, and then when they… when Levana took him… When they changed him...

Cinder hardly blinked. She never even brought it up. She looked at him. 

He couldn’t even look at himself. On instinct he looked up into the reflective surface of the trim along the wall. It was only about an inch and a half wide, but it was enough. He saw himself, something he had adamantly been avoiding. 

It was like a flash from hell. 

He looked away and suddenly he wasn't hungry anymore. He didn't want to think about chewing the food with the monstrosities in his mouth they called teeth. He didn't want to look at inhumanly large bite he would take. 

He just walked back down the hall, all his carefully suppressed emotions slowly bubbling out of him. His hands twitched at his sides, his jaw began to shake, he turned a corner and walked straight into the bathroom and shut the door as fast as he could while a raw moan escaped his mouth. He fell hard to his knees and held his head in his hands trying to hold it back.

He was a monster. There was no getting around it, they made him a mutated freak, the exact thing he never wanted to be. He opened his eyes and inspected his hands. They were big, deformed, the hadn’t grown hair like the others, and he wasn't sure he would. His nails were thick and almost yellow in color, despite them not coming to much of a point he knew they were deadly sharp. 

He let his gaze fall on the rest of his body, he was bigger, broader, he didn't feel like himself. His whole body was different, his mind felt different. He wasn’t him anymore, he was something else, something horrible.

He pushed himself to his feet and sagged against the sink as tears pricked at his eyes. Slowly he lifted his gaze to the mirror. It was dingy, and marked with finger prints and overspray from Thornes hair product. But it was good enough to see the damage.

One of Queen Levana's wolf soldiers was staring back at him. He choked out a sob, but it didn't look like a sob, it looked more like a terrifying snarl. 

With an enraged growl he lifted his powerful fist and smashed the mirror and the cabinet door in one swift blow. What was left on the door twisted him even more. He was a downright nightmare. The shardes that were left copied his image over and over again, taunting him. 

He picked up a shard and held it in his hand, a desire burned in him to use it to violently rip apart what was left of the inanimate cabinet. How could Scarlet love such a creature? How could Cinder ignore the obvious so easily? How could Kai fearlessly touch him? How could Thorne stand to joke with him, sit next to him so relaxed, like he was safe…?

Cress was scared of him. He knew that. She tried to hide it, tried to be nice but she was scared. She was the only sensible one.

With another wretched cry he lowered his head again, the shard biting into his hand, though he didn't notice. He wasn't good enough to be their friend. He should have died, they should have killed him, after what Levana did it would have been merciful.

He never wanted to be this way, he never wanted to ripped away from his home, his mother and father. He was so scared. His vision blurred as a string of unpleasant memories swam before him.

He remembered when he woke up on that exam table, when the doctor showed him the image of the hybrid for the first time. He wanted to disappear, it was terrifying, he was only twelve how could they do this to him? But then he found out he got to stay as normal as he could, as long as he was a good soldier, he wouldn’t turn into one of those things.

But he wasn’t a good soldier. He rebelled against his queen. He killed his comrades, well, his ex-comrades, all because he fell head over heels in love for a woman. He knew what might happen if he got caught, he didn't care, he hardy thought about it. There were so many more important things to worry about. 

But then they had him, and he woke up on that examination table again, and at first he didn’t understand what happened. Everything was so confusing. He had been bad, that’s why they continued the modifications, that’s why he was a personal dog to the queen. 

Slowly his thoughts would become his own before they were once again ripped away from him. The thaumaturge was strong, he couldn’t contain his own mind for very long before he was compelled to follow and do as he was told. Despite the visions of red hair and a faceless girl. 

It was Kai, he thought, that pulled him out of it. He was the first friend he’d seen, and upon seeing Kai gaze at him in that regretful way, it made Wolf remember he didn’t just fail a mission. He was a member of the rebellion, he was a friend of Cinder, he’d been training the rightful Princess of Luna how to fight. That was something his parents would certainly be proud of, not the thing he became now. Not the thing they told him not to be afraid of as a child, they told him it was an honor. But he didn’t want it, he was so scared…

He was pulled back into the real world when his paw-like foot slipped and he fell painfully to his knees on the bathroom floor, the broken mirror still in his hand. Wolf looked down at the floor, he hadn’t even noticed all the blood. But of course he hadn’t, his world was nothing but blood, why should now be any different. He’d never escape it. 

A painful, deep, low sob made its way out of his mouth, followed by more as he dropped the mirror and gripped his midsection holding his bleeding hand close. A normal man would be feeling the pain. Tears were now leaking from his eyes, he hadn’t cried since they lost Scarlet and before then he didn’t even know. When they took him? Why was he even crying? He knew what he was for ten years, he was a grown man, he knew his life. 

But it could have been different. Levana made it so horrible. With the thought of what may have happened if he was never taken from home, or hell, if Levana never took control. He let out a high pitched animalistic whine that made him cringe and sob harder. He sounded like a wounded, caged, beast… it was sort of accurate.

Then he stopped, he was so absorbed in his own turmoil he didn’t notice the new scent, it was powerful and bright and false, it was Cress. She liked the flowery smells of the palace soaps and Cinder made sure she went home with enough to last her.

There was a tap at the door that he wouldn’t even have heard if his senses weren’t so keen. He turned away as much as he could in the small room, he didn’t want to see anyone, and he knew she didn’t want to see him. She was afraid of him. 

There was another tap, a little harder this time 

“Wolf?” Her voice was quiet, and sweet, he understood what Thorne saw in her. 

But he didn’t answer.

“Wolf, please, I know that's you in there. Scarlet and Thorne fell asleep at the controls.”

He pulled himself tighter into a ball. 

“I heard something break, then I heard something else. I thought I should come make sure you’re okay.” Her voice sounded hesitant and unsure, but determined.

He didn’t want to see anyone, the reality of what he had done settling in, he wrecked the bathroom. What would the others say? He was a monster. The scientists left him with an inability to control his now over-pouring emotions, it was too much. One moment he was breaking mirrors and the next second he was crying. Then he thought, was this really the scientists or was this just him, just the beast he was on the inside. 

He missed the first half of what she said “-going to open the door, Wolf.”

Panic leapt in his chest, he opened his mouth to speak but his throat was stuck together from dehydration, he couldn’t get the words out before the door slid open and he was met with Cress stranding there only barely taller than his own kneeling self. 

She was stunned, never had she imagined seeing the person she considered to be the most powerful, most formidable member of their team, their family… so helpless. Her heart broke.

“Wolf.” She said after a short pause, her voice dripping with so much pity he ripped his tear-stained face away from her wiping it on his broad shoulders in obvious shame. “Oh, no…” She sighed taking in all the blood, and the broken cabinet. Slowly, she knelt down on the floor in the doorway. “Please.” She said in a quiet pleading voice, she seemed unsure of what to say. “You need help.” 

He opened his mouth to speak but shut it quickly when he was reminded of his teeth. He shook his head.

She scooted on her bare feet and knees carefully into the small room, mindful of the broken mirror. “Can I just sit then?”

“Cress…” He gasped in a hoarse cry trying to beg her to leave, he didn’t even sound like himself.

“Ze’ev.” She said, using his real name. 

It made him cry harder.

“I’m sorry,” she said using her plush bathrobe to wipe away coin sized shardes before sitting back about a foot away from him. She reached back and shut the bathroom door behind her. “I’m sorry,” she said again, he thought she may have been apologizing for coming in on him. “Let me see your hands.” She said.

He looked down, she had held out her hands to him, her small, doll like hands. He looked at his own, covered in blood and hardly even human.

“Its okay.” She said and twitched her fingers in an encouraging way. 

Slowly he reached out with his wounded hand, his claw, and gently placed it in her hand barely touching her.

“There you go,” Cress sighed and inched her way closer so she didn’t have to stretch. “That’s not so bad,” she said as she gently peeled open his palm revealing the gash. Really, it was sort of bad on any average person, she thought, but when it came to Wolf this was hardly anything.

“Sorry.” He whispered, finding his voice, “I didn’t mean to break the mirror, I just…” His voice trailed off looking up at the broken pieces remaining on what was left of the cabinet door.

“When I was locked up on that satellite I would go crazy,” she laughed nervously, “I was all alone for a long time, sometimes, I broke a lot of stuff.” She said knitting her brow together in thought. She stood up, and carefully opened the broken door pulling out a smallish metal, medical box. “I made my own friends, my own games, everything was in my own head, and it was because of her.”

This made Wolf glance up and meet her round innocent eyes with his own yellow narrowed ones. 

“Everything would have been different without her, I’d have a family, social skills,” she huffed a little humorless laugh still standing over him, though hardly a foot taller. “Cinder would be whole, Scarlet too.” 

A white hot rage boiled inside of Wolf at the thought of Scarlets missing finger. 

Cress kneeled down in front of him, brushing away more mirror bits. “We’d have totally different lives,” she opened up the box so the lid faced Wolf and he was unceremoniously brought face to face with his reflection once again. 

A fresh wave of agony crushed over him. He never wanted to be this way. “Does it make me more of a monster,” Wolf began and her face fell at the harsh use of the word. “That I know if everything was different I wouldn’t have Scar… but I… I don’t want to be this way.” He choked out, positive he wasn’t saying anything right. “I never wanted to be this way, Cress.” He held back a sob. “I pretended my whole life that I was like them but I wasn’t, I never was. I never wanted to be a monster, I thought if I was a perfect soldier I wouldn’t become one. I thought if I was strong I would stay as human as I could. But I didn’t, it happened, and now I’m one of them.”

Fresh tears sprang in his eyes, he was speaking fast, like he had to explain everything. “I thought I was free of the pack, of her, but then they had me again and the nightmares are just coming back, all of them.” He looked down and held his head in his good hand as Cress continued to hold his other. 

“Is that why you’re awake?” 

He nodded. “I don’t want to sleep. I just keep going back to the operating table.”

She nodded understandingly, of course he would have nightmares of waking up in that place, on that table, not knowing what was done to him. “Have you told Scarlet?”

He shook his head.

“I’m not going to push you, but she’ll find out, she’s already worried. She said you’ve been quiet, I mean, more than usual, you don’t look at anyone - me... You don't look me in the eye.” she corrected, abruptly changing the subject without intention.

“I don’t want to frighten you.” He shut his eyes. The tears had subsided, he didn’t have it in him anymore. 

“Wolf,” she said reaching her other hand and touching his face. He violently flinched away from the unexpected touch on his newly modified body. “I’m sorry!” She exclaimed and then reached out again, this time he pulled back but didn’t flinch away.

“I’m not afraid of you,” Cress said looking him in the eye. “You are my friend Ze’ev Kesley and you always will be. I’m sorry, my whole life I’ve been afraid of her soldiers but you… you were nothing like what I thought. You’re different, you’re our friend. Our family. We love you Ze’ev. Nothing she could have done to you would ever change that. I am so sorry if I ever made you feel ashamed about who you are.”

He couldn’t meet her gaze, but her words shattered him. “I broke the bathroom.” He mumbled pathetically. 

She smiled softly. “Gives Carswell a reason to remodel.”

He looked up and returned a sad smile as she examined he hand again and took a disinfectant wipe from the box. “This wasn’t… intentional.” She said slowly not meeting his eyes, as hers flickered to the large shard drenched in blood. 

He shook his head. 

“Okay.” She breathed with a content nod. 

There was a comfortable silence for a minute as she cleaned and bandaged his hand. He watched her, she wasn’t flinching, wincing, it was like she didn’t care. When she was done she smiled at him and he couldn’t help himself but return it. She really did have a contagious happiness about her.

“There, all better, now come on,” she stood up and extended her hand out to him. “You should try and go to bed, we can wake Scarlet up, I’m sure she’d be more than happy to fend off any bad dreams.” There was that sweet smile again.

He hesitated for only a moment before taking her small hand in his own giant one and pushed himself up, she couldn’t do much, but it was the gesture. 

Before he realized what she was doing she had her arms wrapped around him and squeezed him tight, her hand still clutching his. He paused and looked down at her small body, she was so much more delicate than Scarlet or Cinder, the only other women he had any experience hugging. Gently, as to not break her, he put his free arm around her and returned the hug. 

They stayed like that for a moment before they heard Thornes calls throughout the ship.

“Cress? Cress, where are you?”

She tilted her head toward the door, “we should get going.” 

She opened the door, and with Wolfs hand still in hers, marched out into the hall. 

Her hand was so small, it wasn’t like holding Scarlets, hers was strong and he felt safe holding her. Like no one could hurt him anymore when Scar was around. Holding Cress’s hand was like holding a little ray of sunshine in his palm, she bounced when she walked, she looked back and gave him a supportive smile. She knew he didn’t really want to face anyone, but she was going to make him, and he was sort of glad, he couldn’t stay curled up in the bathroom forever. 

“I’m here,” she called out and within seconds Thorne appeared from the direction of the kitchen, instantly his eyes saw Wolfs hand his hers. Wolf let go, forgetting his personal fears, he didn’t need her, he’d have Scarlet in a moment. 

“Hey,” he said walking over and putting his hands on Cress’s hips, turning her around so they both faced Wolf. That was when he noticed the bandage on his hand and Thornes eyes narrowed into concern. “What happened?”

“Accident.” Wolf muttered looking down at the bandage, fiddling with it a little.

“Don’t play with it.” Cress scolded as Scarlet came from the control room, her wild red hair in disarray and the pattern of the co-pilot chair etched on her face.

She was beautiful, Wolf thought, and he forgot all his troubles of the night as he took her in.

“Play with what?” She asked rubbing her eyes.

“Nothing,” Wolf said hiding his hand from her, but as she was standing on his right side it was more of an obvious move than a discreet one. 

She looked down, “Ze’ev!” She exclaimed, “what happened?”

“Accident.” Thorne supplied helpfully. 

She shot him a playful glare and looked up at Wolf. “You can tell me about it later, did you want to sleep?”

He nodded, closing his eyes and sighing heavily. 

“Me too,” she yawned. “Lets go,” she took his arm in hers and lead him away towards their quarters. “Goodnight,” she called over her shoulder toward the others as Wolf gave a weak wave.

When they were gone Thorne looked down to Cress with a curious, but worrisome, glint in his eye. “What was that about?”

She looked after them for a moment, contemplating her reply, “Wolf is having a rough time,” she said quietly, to be sure his super hearing wouldn’t pick her up. 

He nodded, of course he was, how could you not? “Yeah, that I get.”

Cress slowly nodded in reply before taking a deep breath. “Come on, let’s go look at some bathroom design catalogues.” She said leading him away towards their room.

“What? Why?”


End file.
